FEATURED COVER GIRL
♥ Julie Louise ♥
Click on Julie’s portrait below to go to her Flickr page.
Started dressing aged about 8 or 9 when I was attracted to some gorgeous silky, red, lacy knickers of my mother’s. I think for a number of years it was quite a sexual thing, but in my teens as I started to think more deeply about life and my emotions, I realised there was more to it than that.
As I had no sisters and my mother was not a feminine dresser, my early years were mainly spent just wearing her pantyhose and very occasionally some knickers and bra, not infrequently going to school with them on if we did not have sports that day.
At 19 when I first started work and left the family home for a few years, my urges seemed to get stronger, but I guess it was simply that the opportunities to take it further, allowed me to do so.
By my early 20’s I had been out in public en femme a handful of times. This was a massive rush but involved high risk. Despite being terrified of being discovered I yearned to keep doing it. At times I was wracked with guilt and ashamed of myself but at other times, I felt a wonderful feeling of peace and contentment, and a feeling that being on femme was as much part of me as being male. At this period of my life I also had several brushes with the law. With every negative incident, I vowed to give up dressing as a woman, but of course I could not. It was an emotional rollercoaster of a time and how I never got found out by friends and family, I will never know.
Things changed again in my late twenties when I met my girlfriend, now my wife. I returned to just dressing in lingerie, mainly under my male clothes or occasionally when my wife was out. Opportunities for anything else were limited as we spent most of our lives when not working, doing things together. To be honest, I don’t really think that I missed the whole en femme thing, for as exciting as it was, it was replaced by other things in my life. This more or less went on for the best part of the next 30 years until I retired aged 59.
After that my crossdressing increased gradually, before snowballing about a year later. Flickr was really the catalyst as it reignited my feelings to go fully en femme again, inspired by photo’s of others. Little could I have known the effect of doing so. I was soon gripped by the urge to dress at every opportunity, which was most days, as my wife still worked full time. In just a couple of months, my life changed completely. I got careless and my wife found out. She decided to support me ( a very simplified narrative of the reality) and this just let the genie out.....and Julie Louise emerged from the fallout. Initially I was in emotional turmoil, not really able to understand my heightened feelings of wanting to present female; but after a while I decided to just except it and embrace it. I had endured the burden of secrecy and not being able to express myself for 50 years, and now I was going to follow my feelings as much as my wife would allow
Me as Julie louise, has evolved and now just over a year later I am mostly in a good place with who I am, and in my relationship with my wife. Probably around 3/4 of my friends and family now know about Julie louise and that has been like a weight lifted from my shoulders. Things are not 100% with my wife and some counciling is on the cards, but mainly she is accepting and we try to work things through. Going away to a transgender 3 night event in sept 2018 was a real turning point for both of us...she met other wives in her situation and with positive results, and for me it confirmed that this was the life I wanted to follow from now on.
My current situation is one where I wear lingerie full time and have my nails painted most of the time and am almost completely hair free; but still have to present as male the majority of the time; for practical reasons and the sake of my marriage. My goal for the future is to present fully female for at least half the days in the year. It is not set in stone and I may well have to revise this vision; but I feel it would be in keeping with the fact I feel I am at least 50% female inside.
We can never predict the future, but I am feeling positive about mine as Julie louise.
I wish every other crossdresser out there, the best in their struggle to present as who they want to be....
Go girls, push through those barriers!
Julie louise x
Click on the pic to the right to view Julie’s Lingerie Model page! >>>>>