I am Marie. I'm older than I once was, but younger than I'll be. I mostly crossdress as a boy, but occasionally I let my hair down. Sometimes let the world sees me, and those times shine like diamonds in my mind. I'm a city girl, New York City that is; it's not the center of the universe but it's only a short cab ride away. I like cats. I do my own makeup. I have gone through the same undesirable stuff that you have. I used to get out a lot back in the day but I stopped. For a long time. Now, I'm back! I'm getting out again and reconnecting with the Girl Inside. It turns out she loves dresses and dancing, sushi and people who make her laugh. Just like me.
I'll try anything at least once. I'm mostly harmless; I won't bite, even if you ask nicely. And you better ask nicely. Be good to yourselves. Try lipstick, it always cheers me up.
How can anybody know how they got to be this way? Like a song from the world's shortest playlist, I used to endlessly repeat one question; why do I do this? Through many long dark nights I'd confront my own desires, determined to force an answer from my own head. I put myself through this inquisition because I was unhappy. I followed the road too often taken: purges, marriage-as-cure, an ever shorter temper, alcohol, infidelity. At last I admitted that I was looking for an answer so that none of it would be my fault. I wanted to be a victim of some crime beyond my control to prevent, but I realized that the victim and the criminal were the same person: me. That moment of understanding took place 3 years ago and since then, I've sung a new song: Can you see the real me? Can you? Michelangelo once said (I paraphrase) "I transform a block of marble to reveal the form within." That is, he would chip away the extra bits to show us David or the Pieta. I'm no Michelangelo, but that idea - revelation through transformation - appeals to me. When we crossdress, we transform our appearance through makeup, hair, clothes, shoes, shape, walk, talk. For me, that transformation is like taking off a disguise: I am showing the world my true face, the real me. Transformation, revelation. I chip away the stone.
Click on Marie’s portrait below to go to her Flickr page.