FEATURED COVER GIRL
♥ Meghan Fournoit ♥
What can I say? I am 52 years old, and grew up as a boy and a man….mostly! I come from a big family, and grew up in a mid-sized mid-west town. While my family was very involved with church, we had a bit of a social justice and slightly left leaning upbringing. Which is an interesting mix of left and right. Kind of like me, a mix of masculine and feminine! And this weird mix is still with me today.
My earliest memories of being different and wanting to identify female (some of the time) go pretty far back. The earliest one was when I was three and taking a bath with my sister. I noticed she was different, and I push my junk up to hide it so I could look like her! I was pretty proud, but that is the last time I can remember taking a bath with my sister. There were a couple of other hazy incidents that I am not even sure if I remember right. Fast forward to eighth grade/high school. I remember a series of occasions of dressing up in the attic room, complete with mom/sisters make up and I found a wig my mom had. It wasn’t pretty, but I didn’t mind. I remember some dark thoughts at the time. I remember thinking that if I was ever orphaned, I was definitely going to change into a girl.
But all this while, I was still a boy, and tried to be a boy. It was also confusing that I was NOT attracted to guys. How could I be a girl if I LIKED girls? Anyway the puberty years were weird. I wanted to be tough, and hung out with “the hoods” even though I was actually a good kid (except the partying). Socially I had a tough time. Maybe people could see something about me I couldn’t? When I got to college, I wasn’t dressing, got seriously into the Martial Arts, eventually got a girl friend (Yay!). But could never shake the feeling or thoughts. I tried on my girlfriend panties a few times, and got made up once in the bedroom. But then she moved away. I was never very good at picking up girls.
About a year after graduation, I was working as an engineer, and met my now wife. We had a few “games” that I played with her, but she was not into it. After we moved in together I would occasionally try her stuff on when she wasn’t around. After we got married this continued a bit. Every now and then I would try to introduce the concept to her, but she was resistant. 22 years ago, we were expecting our first, we had our annual blow out Halloween party. I dressed as a pregnant woman. Very completely. Got a lot of good comments, including from my folks that saw pictures, but that was a joke. Afterward, I confessed to my wife that this was something I really liked. She was slightly OK, but wanted it limited. So back into the closet for about 9 years.
After 9 years, I decided that I wasn’t going to hide as much, and bought some of my own stuff. She didn’t care for that, but not too bad. After a couple of years, in an attempt to improve the marriage, I purged. For about 8 years. But things crept in, and I never shook the thoughts. At 50, and after some tough life events, we were talking about life regrets and bucket lists. I told her I wanted a Girls Night Out with her. It took a couple of explanations for her to figure it out, but she agreed. We were going to Vegas for our 25th Anniversary, and she suggested using a service! I couldn’t believe it. Well that kind of broke the dam for me. I practiced up a bit before going, got some extra needed stuff. And when the transformation was complete, with BLONDE WIG, I couldn’t believe it. No going back.
So now over the last couple of years, I’ve been dressing on occasion, once every month or two. I have joined a local support group (one of the best in the country), an online community, met other CDs and TG/TS women here and around the country. My wife still does not like it much, and we’ve had a few tiffs, but she still loves me, and I appreciate any tolerance she gives me. I always hold on to hope that she will relax and be more involved, but you can’t force that. I still maintain my faith, and stopped asking God to take this away, but now ask that He show me how I can live with this and maybe even use this gift to His glory. I worry less about being outted, and in fact am slowly revealing this to select friends and family. I love going out as Meghan, and I love sharing with others. I believe that maybe I am supposed to, and to be a voice for hope to those I meet.
Click on Meghan’s portrait below to go to her Facebook page.